This morning, while having coffee, I recalled that I have been living on my own since the Spring since 1993, which makes it twenty (20) years. Next came the realisation that I’ve been back from my post retirement adventure for ten (years). I settled back in Calgary in 2003, but the last ten years seem less eventful than the first of these twenty years. Equal in time’s length, yet so different in experience.

This made me go back over my activities since settling at my little basement apartment at 115-23rd Ave, behind the old Holy Cross on October 16 of 2003. I started with building my present desktop computer with encouragement and help from John and parts from 'Memory Express’ then brand new NE store along 32nd Ave. Only the case is still a part of the present Tony_Built3, as I now call my computer. It has its third motherboard, a solid state drive, wireless keyboard and mouse, a 24 inch flat screen and a disconnected floppy drive. I moved from XP, via Vista to Windows 7 and started a website in 2009.

In May 2004 I headed up a commemoration for Herman’s thirty five (35) year anniversary as New Thought Minister in Calgary. This initiative for me was a turning point for becoming involved and making a social move. However, I do recall hesitating about doing that, but have always been thankful that I did.

Near the September 4th long week end that year I made my first Sunday talk for Herman and my topic was ‘What did the Gnostics know?’ I read all summer with this in mind, about Ancient Egypt, borrowed Kurt Rudolph’s book ‘Gnosis’ from the library and bought my own later on and was very nervous that first time and still am some. I now have almost thirty (30) such talks on my record and all posted on my website as well!

In the winter of 2004 we started the book club which lasted about four years and I befriended Sharen. In the summer I became involved with a peace group, which led to my contact with Dianne Pasqe. In the fall the movie ‘The Bleep’ came out and fitted right into my readings about the brain and Radin’s ‘The Conscious Universe’.

Then Dianne invited me to come along in January 2005 to Encinitas California, from there we attended the three day post Bleep conference in Santa Monica, which opened my eyes to all the commercialism that drives the semi religious activities in the USofA.

In the Fall of 2005, my sister Els came over for about six weeks to see how I was doing after spending so much time in Holland and at her home. It was a fine visit with a trip to the West coast, seeing Derrick on Salt Spring, stopping at Tom and Pat’s place for dinner and a lunch at the Okanagan’s Mission wineries. It was visit which I recall with fondness.

In 2006 I had my talk ‘In Search of the Sacred’, which became a turning point for me. This was because of the difficulty I had to come to a resolution of what we own life was about and the significance of existence as such. The answer for the first was ‘making conscious’ and for the second ‘Existence Divine’. This after searching meditations and struggling to not fall back into the pat answers that held no feeling value for me; that is, which found no resonance in my cognitive-feeling attitude.

The Existence Divine insight turned out to be the starting point of a long journey leading right up to my present essay composition on Belief Frameworks. In August 2006 I celebrated my seventeeth birthday with friends at the old ‘James on Forth’, even late Marilyn was still with us then.
In the Fall I visited Derrick - for his birthday - at Salt Spring and bought my diary book - Baibar Gate - there, at ‘WaterMark books, now closed and returned late October to Calgary.

Around this time a down period started. The book club petered out, Tom had moved to Victoria with Pat. I let Edwards old Honda Accord go around the Spring of 2007 and stayed without a car for about a year until I bought Ron’s Buick in April 2008. I visited Derrick again in the Fall of 2008 for his fortieth birthday, still on Salt Spring.

That Fall of 2008 I started to realise that I needed to get out of my lingering depression of listlessness and lack of focus. I needed a project, but what was it to be? I began to entertain my old idea of having a website again, but I did not want to spend the money on ‘Dreamweaver’ software, which was about 500$$.

So, I began browsing through some web books at the Central library and during the December holidays I read in ‘A web site on a shoe string’. Strange as it now seems to me, this little book encouraged me to give it a whirl. In January of 2009 I located an MS book ‘Build a web site in twelve steps’. It had a disc with examples and looked like a way for me to get started. And I did.

Making a simple web page with text and a picture using my notepad I first tried Shaw, which displaid some pages, but with their advertising. They also did not let you upload html files. So, I decided to get my own local provider and in around April I posted my first page.

I had also run out of writings record books for my daily writing around that time, but I had this Apple iBook computer that Derrick had given me in the Fall of 2006, I think. Why not start writing your daily entries on the computer I said to myself. This was not a new thought, but things were coming together and on May 8 2009, I made my first daily Entry. And that is what I am doing right now.

This move to making a website set off along chain of events, including programming and web courses (5) in 2010 and 2011. I now work several hours a day on webwork, writing, posting, making albums and improvements to my site.

I mentioned my Sunday talks earlier, I now do one every season of the year and have also made some new friendships, such as with Jack and Herman. I still see Sharen, but she has diminished in the range of conversation that I can have, but she still has that sense of humour.

In retrospect, the idea of existence divine from back in 2006 along with Jack’s encouragements built up a momentum that is still going and increasing. This is now coming through in my talks of this year and the essay I am currently working on.

So, when I look back over these last ten years then I can say that much has changed for me in the way I now see the Human experience as a whole and my own life as well. This conclusion does not quite follow logically from the above, but is does in the sense of events and happenings in my life.
<10:58am, time for lunch and edit at 11:43am.