This morning I awoke aware of my newly discovered connection to ‘all of existence’ and affirmed this. This opening will become clearer when I have finished completing yesterday’s writings in today’s below. I just wanted to ‘put this here’, because it is a first and foremost awareness for me right now and this needs to be acknowledged and given a place of reality in my daily life. And, this I hereby did!

Last night I uploaded the missing six (6) ‘Sundays’ of the Catechism for the Third Millennium, which had been missing on my older site for a long time. The images are not yet linked properly, but that will have to wait until I get a better grip on the image folders, of which I now have several. It is a hodge podge and needs to be cleaned up and made consistent.

Such a structure depends on the usage of the various types of images, which is unclear when you start without experience, the way I did. Well worded excuse! No?

I have set as my ‘winter Olympic’ goal the completion of my web site in all the eight (8) categories of which I count the home page as one. This will mean quite a bit of work on two categories specifically, namely the form and the Left_Hand work.

The former I want to make interactive with an email address that my new provider now makes available. The latter category requires design, composition and markup for the remaining four (4) of the five (5) books that I intend to post on my site and this is much more work.

The last winter Olympic event in Vancouver I used as motivation to get all my talks’ sound files posted in the Talks category. I had none at the time and even had to transcribe tapes to my computer first, since the earliest talks had no digital recorded files yet! This goes back to the 2004 Gnostic and the 2006 Buddhism talks. In order to get that done at the time, I worked a whole Sunday on it, not even going to listen to Herman’s presentation!

I did some grocery shopping yesterday and the cold surprised me even though the sun gets quite warm already. Today is Seniors Tea afternoon and I am looking forward to meeting up again with this lively group and I should not forget to get a card and a little present for Sharen’s upcoming 101 birthday!

Continuing with where I left off yesterday:

The very first memory (the descent memory I will call it) is of my going down, but going down further than I expected and felt was agreed to. I protest with ‘Why do I have to go down so far into such a dark place?’

My Life Question: Why do I have to go down so far into such a dark place?

That is as much as I remember and have recalled at various times during my life, but never giving it any meaning or interpretation until for the last year or so, when the memory kept surfacing into my awareness. This to me meant that I now had to pay attention to it and come to understand its significance.

This first memory is followed by the memory of my ‘snake’ dream, which was more clear in my awareness, but still remained docile so to speak for a long time until about twenty years ago. I came to understand the meaning of that dream by means of ‘active imagination’, trying to understand the heard instruction in the dream of ‘Approach it in a reasonable manner’, approaching the snake that is.

Its meaning I unravelled as, that the root beginning of consciousness had to be approached that way. The snake, it became clear stood for conscious awareness and does physically lie at the biological root in the pons of our human and mammalian brain.

From this snake dream in early childhood, I know that the ‘descent memory’ was first, predating all other recalls and was not experienced as a dream. It always was a recalled memory of a happening. Now then, what was I to do with the now quite active ‘descent memory’ and what attitude should I maintain regarding it?

I did not want to destroy it by analysing it, I wanted to be informed by it. This I did by adopting an attitude of open expectancy, while holding the memory in attentive awareness. In doing so, I ‘listened’ as it were to surfacing sensations of intuitions, feeling-values and thoughts, but without engaging in a reasoning or judging process. Just letting things float as you can do in a meditation.

This process I repeated and practiced over time - we’re talking weeks if not months of this gentle type of a ‘holding meditation’. Last Thursday afternoon the twenty third (23) of January, while in the repose of my reclining meditation and held attention, I explored what the content meaning of this memory could be.

‘Why did I have this memory that would not go away’, I asked myself and I waited for a responding awareness sensation that fitted in my own life experience and perspective. [That is why I said yesterday that you need to know enough about your own life to make some of these things fit.] That is what I did, I looked for a fit, like you do when you puzzle.

The first insight that came into awareness was the function of this memory, but not the content. The function quite clearly was to go to the roots of my being and being born. ‘What was I here to do?’, that was the question that came up. Now, that is not an unusual question, but I was experiencing this question as a feeling awareness with respect to myself, my life that is.

Well, I knew from my ‘snake’ dream that I had to address the way we humans are conscious, while from my discovery in 2006 I knew that we are not just in existence, but in Existence Divine. These two insights combined with a recent awareness that we humans are in an entanglement1) situation that needs to be made better understood.

These were all insights, values and principles that were making up my reference framework up to that point, not assembled, but held like a collection. Now, while I was doing my long meditation I did not recall any of this, but I mention them here to give a background as to what convictions I held and had discovered up to this point.

From this long meditation in which I was not asleep, but was withdrawn from my surroundings, concentrating on what was emerging in my inner awareness. All that while holding the idea of ‘my life’s purpose as the root cause of my birth’ in continuing attention. “To what purpose am I born” the question became, ‘What was I to accomplish?’ were the kinds of questions I held in attention and waited for the emergence of a response.

I had done this kind of process in my meditations before, but no response came during the several earlier such exercises applied to this ‘descent memory‘. However, with the repeated attempts a response slowly emerged which I held and kept repeating to myself. Then, I slowly turned my attention to my surroundings while holding in attention the emerged answer in the words: “discover interconnectedness with all of existence [divine], bring it to ------ conscious expression.”

My uncovered answer: discover interconnectedness with all of existence [divine], bring it to ------ conscious expression.

That formulation was in resonance with my searching attitude and felt as a satisfactory and true response, not true as in the absolute sense, but true as in being true in the sense of genuine to a cause.

In a retrospective summary we can say, that the function of that very early memory was to draw me back to my life’s cause, but then I had to discover the content of that cause through this meditative attempt. This I undertook many times of late, all the while slowly modifying it to penetrate further and probing for a ‘true response’! Such an answer I could not have discovered as a young person, it needs the experience of my own life time to understand the answer and appreciate it.

In closing I am coming to the point of paraphrasing Luther, ‘I can do no other’, than to accept this out come and go with it, which is what I will do to the best of my ability, with all my heart and my mind.
<10:01am~

1). Entanglement is a particular boundary situation, where ’boundary situation’ is my name for the general event of encountering the limits of one’s personally and/or the collectively held knowledge. As we gain understanding about entanglement becomes interconnectedness emerges.
<10:49pm, edited.