I was not going to make an entry this morn, but here I am irrepressibly expressing and reporting to the world such as it is. Today an early coffee over at Rene’s, then a stop at DJ’s and possibly some saved up housekeeping activities later in the day.

… and started with my intended reading of two updated web coding books, with the intent to make some improvements to my web site, its form in particular.

Yesterday I updated the postings on my website, which had been neglected since the 11^th this instance. I also transferred my talk’s sound file from recorder to computer and started with my intended reading of two updated web coding books, with the intent to make some improvements to my web site, its form in particular.

Last night I made some more notes on the emigration from Africa and its possible consequences, as I inferred yesterday. This morning too, I have some more to add below.

In my late night notes yesterday, I suggest that over time the emigrating humans repressed feelings in order to get on with adapting to new environments. I know I postponed feelings for later when I was a brand new immigrant in Toronto, 1959. Feelings were confusing to me and kept me from accomplishing things that needed doing in my new life at the time.

I am suggesting that early humans emigrating from Africa with its to them known environment and society, also set aside feelings to focus on adapting to their changed geography, climate and animal world.

This morning I came up with some more formulations in this regard. You could say that postponed feelings are lived vicariously at some later time. However, feelings change, so it will never be the same as at the instant of the actual experience. This process of pushing feelings away can turn into a habit, where feelings are only experienced at the end of the accomplished task or not at all, when the pressure is on.

Feelings then miss their turn at the table and are skipped as interference with the next task to be accomplished. In the end the motivation becomes distorted, because the original feeling values are no longer available for consideration. In addition the emotive energies ebb and are replaced by other incentives such as discipline and the possession of objects one can afford due to expanded effort.

Once we can relate to this, we can start doing things for their own feeling value reward as we do the thing at hand that needs doing and enjoy doing it.

Such substitutes now turn the temporarily postponed feelings in to institutionalised activity of vicarious living which becomes more empty of value the longer it runs.

So, white man’s heart no longer beats, as that Kenyan story titled "How Mighty is the White Man?" from "African Folk Tales" said. Making me wonder whether what's left is a rat race for more of the same in our consumer society, where the newly acquired goods generate feelings, which have become dim reflections of the now inaccessible postponed feeling values of the direct experience.

To escape from this entrapment we need to recognise it for what it is, its purpose. Its functionality and its detrimental outcome of the empty heart. Once we can relate to this, we can start doing things for their own feeling values reward as we do the thing at hand that needs doing and enjoy doing it.

When I was thirsty as a kid a drink of cool tap water was a treat and it still is to me today. So, enjoy the activity at hand and give it your best effort in which is the reward feeling, directly accessible in your own heart.
<8:08am and now 4:34pm~