I want to relate an interesting personal experience I had yesterday as a result of letting the magic of gratitude into my life via Byrne’s book “The Magic”. Not that the practice of gratitude is new to me, I have practiced the ‘attitude of gratitude’ for many years. In the nineteen nineties even I had a dream that ended with this written message: ‘… from an attitude of gracious gratitude.’ The opening left by the ellipses leaves room for a verb, such as ‘live’! Dreams are clever that way!
Time to switch loads; next switch at ten am.
In the nineteen nineties even, I had a dream that ended with this written message: ‘… from an attitude of gracious gratitude.’
In addition to my practicing gratitude I frequently practice a critical attitude towards others and events. But, I want to relate the experience I had yesterday and that requires relating my experience of ‘sadness’. I often experience an undefined, but definite sadness in the afternoons on an almost daily basis.
Sadness is not unknown to me and I had bouts of it in the years between 2005 and 2007. This sadness I traced to losing the relationship with Hiltje who was my dear partner in Holland for almost four years. I had not given this loss enough room so to speak.
The ungrieved loss caused a sadness in me, which lifted once I gave the grief about my loss appropriate attention and a ‘resting place’ as it were. A ceremony might have helped and could as yet, as emotions are timeless; that is they don’t grow old with time, but only when assimilated through attention and consciously living them.
In my experience yesterday I held the sadness and gratitude in my awareness, asking how come I’m grateful and also sad? Why are these two present so often in my daily experience. Next a new thought emerged about my being thankful for the good memories I cherish from my completed marriage. This I contrasted with my recalling the mistakes I made in that relationship, about things I should have done better, but did not out of ignorance back then.
This was followed by my new insight that realising my mistakes now makes me sad about not having seen that back then. So my sadness comes from my present day insight about actions and lack of insight in my past. ‘How could I have been so insensitive or stupid?’ are the recriminations that surface at such times.
That takes me back to ca 1990, which enforces the notion that emotions stay around, undiminished by time when not assimilated.
Now, for me the important thing yesterday was the realisation that the sadness is associated with the newly gained insight about my own shortcomings at the time. These memories are available, because I also practice gratitude about the good experience back then. This is how, by my juxtaposing the feelings of gratitude and sadness, I was able to recognise that I felt sad about having been so inadequate, which caused the loss of that relationship in the long run. That takes me back to ca 1990, which enforces the notion that emotions stay around, undiminished by time when not assimilated.
So, here I am with my new insight that my sadness is associated with my presently gained insight about not doing back then, what I do know now!
Time for the second laundry switch and back at 10:32am and signing off at 10:45am~
